Every so often we like to take questions from our online audience that are absolutely ridiculous and don’t require any knowledge of how any skater is performing.
Normally when we see people talking about throwing things from buildings, the popular choice is a whole watermelon. When considering a gallon of ranch, there are different things to consider making this a tricky question
What’s the Difference?
The biggest difference between throwing a watermelon and throwing a gallon of ranch is the weight of each.
According to gallon-pound.com(real thing, not kidding) a gallon of water weighs around 8.3 lbs depending on the temperature and how dense the water is. I’m gonna go ahead and assume ranch dressing weighs a bit more and is less susceptible to weight change because of the weather. Let’s say 9 lbs just to be safe.
The average weight of a watermelon is 20 lbs. Throwing a gallon of ranch is not the contest of strength that throwing a watermelon is. I would have to be insanely wrong about the properties of ranch dressing to end up wrong about this.
Chucking a watermelon, even for a couple of beefy athletes, is usually just for the spectacle of it. People wanna see that melon hit the ground, and feel that rush as it falls. What introducing a lighter object does is open this activity up for competition.
So let’s get to the competitive part, and the actual question. Which of the Flyers player would throw a gallon of ranch dressing the farthest?
If you wanna be boring, an easy answer would be Claude Giroux, Jake Voracek, or Radko Gudas. The better veterans on the team, these guys have had a few years over the young guys to develop their bodies and reach peak ranch-throwing ability. This is probably true and way too predictable.
Another cop-out would be to swing the other direction and say one of Nolan Patrick, Travis Konecny, Oskar Lindblom, or Travis Sanheim. They work-out with the team, they’re athletes, they are young and have competitive fiery attitudes. These boys could put some distance on a creamy gallon of ranch.
The Dark horses in this race are Shayne Gostisbehere, Scott Laughton, and Michal Neuvirth, and I would put my money on one of them.
No one bothered to set up rules for this contest before Ghost stepped up and whacked that bottle like a Ghost Bomb from the point. He didn’t technically throw it, but everyone is impressed with the distance he got.
Scott Laughton hit Chickie’s & Pete’s. No one saw it, he walked up to the edge between throws and just…did it. He knows and is satisfied.
The rest of the team has been pranking Neuvirth with ranch dressing for a while now, not knowing they were feeding him the hatred he needed to win this whole thing. Ranch in the helmet, ranch in the skates, ranch on his cheesesteak. They even managed to get ranch into his home shower. Michal Neuvirth is hitting Billy Penn with this gallon of ranch. Unfortunately, the force of the throw shattered his whole arm.
If you’ve got a question, you can tweet it at us, or email to PigeonCoopPhilly@gmail.com.
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